Life goes on

It's so weird how quickly things change and how quickly we can recover from them.

Eddie passed away 2 weeks ago today. His funeral was a week and a half ago and was probably one of the saddest and most somber that I've been to. More than my own grief, I felt so incredibly sad for Eddie's family. It was heartbreaking to watch them cry; every time a family member began to wail you could hear the entire crowd start to cry quietly in their seats. It is so sad to think a life ended so quickly, so presumably before its time. It was obvious that many people loved him. The hardest part for me was seeing his open casket. I'm in the midst of anatomy dissections in school, using a human cadaver. Seeing Eddie made me think of the cadaver I had propped open on a gurney, skin reflected, muscles detached, bones exposed. I sobbed.

But the world doesn't stop turning, as much as it seems like it might in those first few hours of mourning. Things continue as they always had. I go wedding dress shopping with my best friend - an odd change of scenery from a church full of people cloaked in black to a shop with hundreds of white dresses. I eat my next meal. I check my email, go to class, repeat the days. And I still do dissections on cadavers. I spend some time reminiscing about Eddie, about other friends I had that died at young ages, and I feel sad, but not compelled to stop the daily happenings of my life. At times, that makes me feel guilty.

I suppose, though, that Eddie and Erica or any of the others that passed away would not really want anyone to put their life on hold because of something beyond their control. The only thing that is certain in life is death - people will be born, and by natural law, they will die. When they die is what brings us to the point of heartbreak. And for some, like Eddie's younger sister, time might stand still for quite a while. For others, it won't take long at all. But in the end, everyone moves on after a passing. They have to.

In Indian culture, the appropriate time for grieving is 11 to 13 days. That time ended yesterday and I find myself thinking, "How soon will I forget about this?" When will the day come that someone says, "Remember that kid Eddie? What happened to him again?" I hope that his death, or anyone's for that matter is never in vain. I hope that I will continue to remember my passed friends as beautiful people with big hearts, not just those who met a tragic end.

It is hard to deal with death. After all, I'm studying to be in the business of SAVING lives for as long as I can. I don't want to hate death because I know it is inevitable, perhaps I even know that it should happen. But something perturbs me about how quickly we grieve and move on. How quickly I stopped crying, started hanging out with friends again and studying for exams. It seems that 1 day, or even 13 days of grieving doesn't do justice, doesn't pay the proper homage to the deceased. But can we - should we - really spend more time than that? Is that what they would have wanted? Or would they have simple said, "You are still alive. Just keep living."

Life is too short - really

I complain a lot. About school, about people, about bad food. The worse part about it is that it takes something all too dramatic to make it all clear.

Today, Eddie passed away after his car hit the side of a bridge. He didnt have on his seatbelt, so he flew out of the car, over the bridge and onto an interstate.

I knew Eddie in middle school and high school. He was such a promising kid - even though he was a year younger than me, he was in my math class, which was already an 'accelerated' class. It put him at 3 years ahead of the curve. Allison and I have a favorite memory of Eddie when he was in our math class in 7th grade. Mrs. Covington, our teacher, had left the room. We all kinda poked fun of Eddie, and that day it was decided that we'd put him in a box. Eddie was an awesome sport, he was all for it. We closed the box and when Mrs. C came in, she had a nice surprise waiting for her. It was hilarious, a moment that I will never forget.

As we got older, Eddie fell into some bad places. Life threw him some crappy circumstances...I maybe saw him once or twice a year when I got to college, always at a party. He liked to have fun, a little more than most. But lately he was putting his life back together, finishing school, getting his head on straight. I never knew him too closely, and maybe his best friends would agree or disagree with how I saw him. After all, they were by his side the last few years. What I do know for sure, though, is that Eddie was a good kid...he had a lot going for him, a lot to live for, and a lot of people that loved him. Twenty-one years is not enough time.

After breaking down in my "Medicine in Society" class a few weeks ago, I came to realize that my experiences with death straight suck. Rarely an old person, passing in their sleep; always a young person being taken away too soon. Something about it isn't right, isn't fair... First JR, then Erica, then Jynette, then Mike. Now Eddie. It's just not fair.

See you all on the other side...

Ready, Set, Go.

We're gonna see how this works out.